Little Fish in a Big Bowl

Daily Prompt: Grab the nearest book. Open it and go to the tenth word. Do a Google Image Search of the word. Write about what the image brings to mind.

The tenth word I got was small and the image I found was this:

This aptly describes how I’m feeling right now; I’m the fish on the left looking into the giant pond with the tiny fish in, but the tiny fish is me in the future.

I am currently in my last year of sixth form, this means that I’m one of the oldest in my school, I am feeling pretty comfortable where I am, very safe and in my routine. I know all the teachers, all the teachers know me, I am friends with most of my peers, I know my way around, I can pretty much be myself and not have to worry, the work is bearable, I know what I’m doing.

At the moment though, I am applying for university. This is completely unfamiliar territory. No one in my family has been to university before, no one in my school has applied to medicine before (with that comes early deadlines, interviews and entrance exams), and that’s just the application stage. Let alone when I get there, I won’t know anyone, I get lost very easily, it will be a different style of teaching, it will be a heavier workload, I will be living with strangers and I won’t feel comfortable to get my weird out.

I feel like I am that big fish in a little pond, although my fins (my learning, my comfort zone) aren’t being stretched, I feel safe, it’s cosy and I know it well. I’m looking into my future where I will be a tiny fish in a giant pond, feeling lost and alone, not knowing where to go or what to do. I know that eventually I will outgrow my little fishbowl and there is no way I can stay there forever, but that doesn’t mean I’m looking forward to all that space and freedom. On my own.

I know that as much as I am dreading to go to university, there is no other way of pursuing the career that I want to. So there is no other way of getting through this other than hoping that one day, I will grow big enough to feel comfortable in my new bowl too.

Hopefully there are no sharks hiding in there to ruin my swim.

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