Because of my break up with my boyfriend, I have been feeling a little strange lately, like I don’t really know who I am any more. I haven’t been totally going off the rails or anything, nothing too drastic, just a slight feeling of not knowing where I belong.
Since the break up I have realised that I don’t actually have that many friends, and those friends that I do have are mainly friends of my closest friend who are forced into a friendship with me too, or at least that’s how I feel. My phone feels empty and useless and I’m beginning to feel quite lonely.
I think that what doesn’t help is that two of my friends broke up with their boyfriends around the same time as me, and their social lives are booming; they’re meeting new people, going on dates and making lots of friends. Whereas I seem to have replaced my boyfriend with my PS2. I’m not saying that I want another relationship or anything like that, I just want people to talk to.
Despite actually breaking up with my boyfriend about 3 months ago now, he is yet to stop messaging me. He is a very obsessive person and I always thought that was a good thing, until now. It got to the point where I have had to block his number and remove him from Facebook. So a reason for my loneliness could be that he is scaring people away, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.
So right now I’m trying to focus on me, because ‘if you can’t be happy on your own, then how will you know if you’re happy with someone else or just filling a void’ (or something like that). I want to become a more carefree, but hard working, person who is kind to herself and others. That’s the aim anyway, now to get back to my PS2…